The Face in the Frame
“Smile. It can’t be that bad, can it?”
“You really should smile. You look so much prettier when you
smile.”
“Why do you look so serious? Can’t you try to look happy?”
I’ve heard these lines from the time I was a little girl.
From strangers. From well-meaning adults who must have thought they were
encouraging a child to smile more. But it only made me feel scrutinized. Self-conscious.
I worried what others would think my face is saying. Because although my serious
face might have communicated that I was a reserved child, I wasn’t unhappy,
angry or unfriendly. I was just thinking about something. I tend to think a lot.
I always have a lot of chatter going on in my head. Most of it directed at
myself. Wondering what others are thinking about me. And my face.
So I’ve tried to make a concentrated effort to affix a friendly
smile to my face as I walk. Tried to remember to turn up the corners of my
mouth in a congenial expression. But without fail after a few minutes of smiling,
something captures my attention and I’m all of a sudden deep in thought. And the
tiny smile is gone. My eyebrows are knitted together again in an unfriendly
expression. I’ve thought that maybe it’s my eyebrows’ fault. Their dark
and threatening image contributes to my stern facial expression. I’ve tried
thinning them so that when knit together in thought, they look less imposing.
I’ve tried raising them in a look of wonderment. But this is a difficult
expression to hold steady. I’ve considered plucking my eyebrows out entirely. But
that might look more alarming than welcoming.
More than any other type of art, I like portraits of ladies
to adorn the walls of my home. I study their faces. I wonder what they’re
thinking. In some of the pictures, they look happy and pleasant; some look
mysterious; some look like they have faraway thoughts on their minds. One of my
favorites is a fashion drawing of a woman whose profile looks a little sharp.
She’s not drawn as softly as she could have been. But I like her. She’s looking
down and you’re not sure what she’s thinking about.
In Paris, I spent Saturday
morning at a flea market, where I found a charming tiny watercolor of a girl.
She looks a little wistful. I also found an illustration from a fashion costume
book with a scrap of fabric attached to the page. The picture shows the woman
from the back so you can’t see her face, but her heavy eyebrow is visible. I
like that her eyebrows are a strong feature.
But no mater what my facial expression may convey about me,
it doesn’t say who I really am. I don’t wear the labels unsmiling, angry or sad
when I think about how God sees me. Smiling or not, God invites me into his
presence with the same compassion, mercy and understanding that he offers to
everyone. There is not a hint of judgment that I don’t meet his expectations. I’ve
found a refuge where nothing more is asked of me except that I ask him to come
alongside me as I live out my life. And that brings a smile to my face. Maybe
even a beaming grin. From ear to ear.
I love reading these blog entries and hearing your voice as I read, you write in the same way you speak, which is lovely.
ReplyDeleteI loved the part about your expressions. I wonder what people think of my expressions all of the time. It's so hard to control!
Again, beautiful entry.
Brittany,
DeleteOne of the things I love about you is that you always have a smile on your face when I come around the corner of your cube to interrupt you - -you are always gracious and kind and I couldn't imagine you being any other way! Your sweet words brighten my day. :)
Your "girls" are so pretty!
ReplyDeleteThey are gems, aren't they? I love them!
DeleteGreat article, Val - as always, deep insight. You have a beautiful smile - it lights your face! Great pictures - they had such style years ago, didn't they? Keep the articles coming!
ReplyDeleteThe styles of decades past -- so chic! The encouragement is so appreciated!
DeleteI love the two pieces you picked up in Paris. You have such a great eye for these things!
ReplyDelete